So I have this ongoing habit of starting a livejournal entry when I really feel the urge to write, and then shortly thereafter, getting distracted and doing something else.

This leaves me with entries that never get posted, and you rarely see updates from me.

I actually write a lot more than is ever posted here, due to this habit.

I was reading Alli's update about Tropic Thunder. I usually feel the same way about movies as she does, so I'm excited to see it now, knowing that she enjoyed it.

My friend Masayo joined Facebook today. I think she has a daughter. She's only a couple of months older than I am. What's with this whole, Growing Up epidemic all of the sudden. The people around me approach this unknown of 30, and they start getting married, or even more seriously, getting pregnant.

I don't know if I'm excited to be able to remain immature and marginally irresponsible, or if I'm somewhat jealous.

The fact is that it's a combination of the two. I want to be able to continue to live in my 20's and have fun and do whatever I want, and have fun with my friends-- but at the same time, I want to know what it's like to be an adult and be a mommy and a wife.

But am I ready for any of that shit? Hell no. I'm not. I'm immature and child-like, and I'll probably be this way for a while. At some point I'm going to have the realization that I really want to be somebody's mom. For now, it's a nice fantasy to think of rearing a child and taking on that responsibility. Realistically I'm not ready to give that huge percentage of my life to someone who can't fend for themselves at all.

In other news, Taylor had his movie shown at a festival this weekend. It didn't go quite as how I'd expected. His movie was shown at 11am, which was the same time as the showing of a feature length film that was a big deal. The only people who saw Taylor's flim were Taylor, me and an older lady.

It was kind of weird.

We did end up seeing some good films, and I talked to some strangers about Taylor's movie, and hopefully made some contacts.

Also, I met this girl who does tattoos in Indiana, and she was really nice, and had a great body of work. LOL, get it?!?!? BODY OF WORK?

Well, anyway, her work looked really good, and her pricing seemed good, 40 dollar minimum and 150 per session maximum. I want to get a large piece done on my back. I really wanna get this done, I've been conceptionallizing this for sometime now.

Here's the full concept:

Snow Drops in the upper right hand corner of my back by my shoulder, in bloom, with tiny snowflakes coming out of the petals, increasing in focus to the viewer of the image. There would be 31 snowflakes in all... like they're coming forward. I also want to have small dots behind the snowflakes, kind of showing the direction of the breeze and they would be colored yellow, representing pollen.

What does all this bullshit mean to me? These are the relations:

I was born on January 31st. January's traditional flower is the Carnation (Which is a funeral flower and looks like something you'd throw away in drawings) but the other january flower is the Snowdrop.




Which is delicate in appearance, but it's hardy flower. I think that's a perfect flower for me, because my birthday is the day of poetic song, representing the lyrics that are said in a singsongy way that have breath of meaning, but people only hear the prettiness of the song.

The breeze of the pollen moving the snowflakes would be representative of the element of air, which is a part of Aquarius. Also I'd like to have the pollen moving through the snowflakes in a wavy line. In the end the drawing will look like the snowdrop is pouring out the snowflakes, like the celestial positioning of the water bearer.

The 31st is the rarest day to be born upon (Every month has 29 days, and I'm not getting all specific about February) and that number is pretty interesting. I already have the Aquarius symbol lower on my back, which is such an important part of how I view the world. It states my personality, and it states my identity.

Snowflakes in themselves are repetitive of winter and uniqueness, both things that I feel as though I represent.

Eventually, I think I might get the snowdrops leaves to surround up to my shoulder and reach down my right arm, and turn into a branch of orange blossoms. There's so much reason for me to get orange blossoms!




I was in love with orange blossom dolls (From strawberry shortcake) as a little girl, and had like 4 or 5 of them. I also like orange juice a lot, lol. But more importantly, and what carries more meaning, honey is traditionally a Greek product. Honey is made famously with the pollen of orange blossoms.

My first name, Pamela, is a Greek name, meaning Honey Pot, honey, or
">all sweet. I've also read some places that it means Little Elf, but that's a rarer interpritation. The breakdown I've seen most often is that it actually is a combination of two Greek words that mean, "very sweet."

What a cute name to give to your baby girl. Pam (Pan), is actually the part that breaks down to mean, "All." -Mella (Meli), or a similar pronunciation means "Sweet."

Oranges are also a big deal with No Doubt-- Their breakout album, Tragic Kingdom, and it's artwork within the booklet in the CD are a tribute to Orange County, where they're from in Anaheim. I think getting an orange blossom tattoo with perhaps a little bee behind one of them, pollinating it, and maybe dripping just a tiny bit of honey would be a really great tattoo once I get a taste of success with music.

My tattoos are representative of self, and the self discovery that I've done, and I want them to be soft and feminine. Eventually, if I do become a mommy, I would want to get representative tattoos of my kids. Maybe their signs, maybe aspects of their personalities as children. Maybe their names in a really amazing font if I come up with good ones.

This research is the fun part, and makes it worth something to me. My Aquarius tattoo is red, blue and yellow representing Fire, Water and Air, which are all a big part of my astrological chart.

I want another freakin' tattoo!!!

Awesome every day,
Pam